June, 2022 - Creating Soul Space

Setting Boundaries: How to Do It with Family, Friends and Co-Workers

If I could have any superpower, it wouldn’t be invisibility or flying or walking through walls. I want it to be great at setting boundaries and sticking to them. It takes courage to establish and maintain your boundaries with those closest to you.

Why is this important? Why do you need to set boundaries anyway?

Healthy boundaries = Self care, happiness, loving relationships, high self esteem

No boundaries = Anger, burnout, resentment, stress, relationship issues. The list can go on and on.

You see…boundaries are needed for your physical and mental health.

Remember what they say about resentment. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Please put the poison down.

Here are some rules to live by that I learned along my way.

Prioritize Your Needs – First

Free Chicken. Remember in the before times when we all traveled the world? For those that paid attention during the safety announcements, the flight attendants gave you some free chicken (that’s Army speak for free advice/free gift). They tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping others.

Words to live by. Genius. Am I Right? Bet you will pay more attention now!

In order for you to be of any use to those around you, you need to help yourself first. I say again, help yourself first. That’s not being selfish it’s being selfless.

Figure out you first. You are no use to any body if you can’t figure out your own issues.

Respect Yourself and Your Time

Has this ever happened to you? It’s 3:30 on a Friday afternoon. You can’t wait to spend the night canoodling with your boo watching Netflix.

You receive a Skype message from the boss,“do you mind staying signed in to work on project XYZ? You don’t have plans, right”

You know you have a date with Netflix and your hunny. Your brain says “yes I have plans” but your traitorous mouth says “nope, no problem!”

Ugh. Why do we do that? Why do we say yes?

We.

Are.

People.

Pleasers.

The worse part of part of being a people pleaser is that you can never please everyone at the same time. When you say yes to someone else, you are saying no to yourself.

Stop saying Yes when it should be a Hell No!

By setting a boundary on your time, you are creating time and space for yourself!

As a struggling People Pleaser myself, let me share with you my strategies.

Take a breath.
Wait a minute before answering. If they need an immediate answer just count to 10 before saying anything.
Check your schedule. If you have something on your calendar, even something small, say no.
Talk to your significant other. Sometimes, you need support to say, no. They can give you an out with your boss!

Create Non-Negotiable Rules

Your non-negotiable rules can be about anything. Here are some quick thoughts.

Violence of any kind
Abuse – physical or emotional
Safety of you or your family

Create an If/Then Rule. Creating an if/then rule is easy to do if you use this formula.

If your Co-Worker/Family/Friend Does X, I will do Y.

For instance, in all of my relationships, I have a “Don’t Raise Your Voice to Me” Boundary. Believe me, this is a fun boundary when you are in the military.

For all my boundaries, I give a warning shot. If someone raises their voice to me, I will say “Don’t talk to me like that, I understand your mad. Please lower your tone.” If they don’t, I will walk away until they do.

Communicate and Make Adjustments As Needed

Boundaries don’t need to be made in stone. You can adjust them as you need.

The hardest part of setting boundaries is identifying your need. Your needs or your understanding of your needs will change over time. To find more about trusting your gut, read my article on 5 Ways to Strengthen Your Intuition Today.

Once you figure out your desires, communicate your need to your significant other, family or coworkers. The key is to do this with patience and compassion.

If this is the first time you set boundaries, understand it will take them a minute to adjust to them.

Give them a little bit of grace. YET, still ensure they are respecting your boundary.

Be assertive when setting your own boundaries. Also, understand that others may be setting boundaries with you.

“Saying yes feels good, but a great relationship is one where you can say no and everyone is totally okay with it.”
Dr. Henry Cloud

Be okay with saying no to others and having other tell YOU no. Boundaries are two way streets. You must also respect the boundaries of others!

5 Ways to Strengthen Your Intuition Today

Use these top five ways to strengthen your intuition in 14 days!

We all want a way to listen completely to our heart space. What is your intuition? To me, it’s that inner knowing, inner wisdom, a gut feeling, the voice in your head that tells you what to do when you really need it.

It’s the way that God, Spirit and the Universe guide you in a direction for your highest and best good. How your intuition will show up for you may be in many ways. For you it may be a flash of an idea. While there are MORE than five ways to strengthen your intuition, these are a great place to start.

Honor Your Body

Honor your body. Think water, good food, rest and repeat. Seriously, the first step is starting to strengthen your mind, body, and soul connection with your intuition by drinking water and putting good food into your body. We don’t drink hardly enough water. We drink too much soda, coffee and sugary drinks. Try substituting one sugary drink to water.

When it comes to food, skip the processed junk and fast food. Yes, it’s super convenient. Most of us are still working from home or maybe working from home once or twice a week. Use your blended work and home life to your benefit. If that doesn’t work for you, try meal prepping on Sundays to get ready for the week.

Get your sleep on. Yup, 7-8 hours a night if you listen to the sleep experts. I have a fitbit. I like to play a game to see how much sleep I can get during the week. So far this week, my average sleep hours is 7 hours and 45 mins. Your body needs time to rejuvenate. You can’t listen to your intuition if you are yawning. Take naps if you need too. The best time to take a nap and not screw up your sleep cycle is between 10-2p. Only take a 20-30 minute nap, if it works for cats, it can work for us

Ground

There are many ways to ground. My favorite is getting my bare feet on mama earth. Stand on the earth. Take up some space. For you Yogis, its similar to Mountain Pose.

I usually stand with my feet a little more than shoulder width apart. Do what makes you feel comfortable. I put my hands to my side and stretched out and active fingers (jazz hands!)

While standing strong on the earth, imagine sending your negative emotions; fear, anger, anxiety into the ground through the right side of your body. Imagine a color for your negative energy. Sometimes for me, it’s a fiery red. The right side of your body is your masculine side.

Then on the left side of the body, imagine drawing energy up from mother earth. The energy is warm, nurturing, and calming. I feel safe and loved. The left side of your body is your feminine side.

When I draw in my energy from Mama Earth, I see the color green. It’s a healing color and the color of the earth. You can envision any color you want. I imagine this energy is filling up my body and I begin to glow the same color

Journal

I have fought this one for so long. I didn’t really see the point, until I tried it. When I started to journal, my soul began to whisper to me. At first, it was snip-its or single words and short phrases.

Now when I sit down to write, I start writing intuitively. It’s a process called automatic writing. I will write full pages. I began by closing my eyes and letting the pen drift along the page. Full pages I’d write. I let my ego stand aside and let my soul lead.

If journaling is new to you, find a journal with prompts. The prompts will help you focus on a question for your soul to answer. One of my favorite soul questions is: If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do? Ask this question and write down the response. Don’t edit yourself, just write it down. Ask this SAME question again. Write down another answer. Keep doing this until you run out of answers.

Devote a few minutes a day to write in your journal. It may be the end of the day or the beginning of your day. Some people like to use the end of the day to sum up how their day went or issues/challenges they dealt with. Either way, morning or night, know whichever way you pick will be the perfect choice for you

If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?

Honor Your Feelings

Feel all the things. At times we can be our own worst enemy by judging ourselves and our feelings. We suppress our feelings. People or society might tell us to stop feeling a certain way.

All of this builds up in our bodies and mind and halts the soul connections. You have the right to feel the way you feel. Some people hate to cry. They will hide their tears and immediately dap the tears away. My mentor told me that tears are the best healing waters. Let the tears fall and don’t try to wipe them away.

When we hide our feelings, we hide ourselves. When we are filled with too many negative emotions like fear, anger and resentment, we aren’t free to be our truest selves. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. Release the feelings and move on.

Always find a way back to love.

Don’t Hate, Meditate

That is one of my favorite cards to pull in my oracle deck from Kyle Gray. You can find this card in his Oracle Deck called Angel Prayers, buy a copy here.

Meditation and journaling were a struggle for me. When I finally stopped resisting, I was amazed by the inner guidance I began to receive. Begin your day with meditation.

First thing before you get out of bed. Check in with your body. Or go on a walk. During your walk don’t think about anything. No talking, just stepping. I’ve found the best meditations are in that sweet spot of 3-10 minutes.

I love guided meditations. Youtube is a great place to find some sweet ones. When I have trouble falling asleep, I will listen to a guided meditation. I feel AMAZING when I wake up the next day.

Try It for 14 Days

Try all of these steps for 14 days and see how the universe opens to you. See how your soul and your intuition begins to speak to you. Tell me in the comments what you think. Let me hear your stories!

Yes! I’m Here! What Do I Do Now?

Where do I begin? How do I start? Are you trying to sell me something?

To answer your questions in order: Begin where you are at, start by making one step forward. And no, not trying to sell you something.

I have been where you are at now. Something in your life needs to change. You just don’t know what or how. Maybe you are afraid. Girl, I get that. I left two relationships (one marriage, one long term relationship) and two careers behind in my dust. I moved clear across country. Believe me when I say I have been where you are at now.

Its begins usually with an ending…

In the chaos of my life, my sister gave me something that I will never forget. She gave me a letter. A letter to a lightworker written by Rebecca Campbell. You can find the letter in its entirety here.

I believe that your tragedies, your losses, your sorrows, your hurt happened for you not to you. And I bless the thing that broke you down and cracked you open because the world needs you open.
Rebecca Campbell

This is the book that started it all for me.

That one quote still stays with me after all these years. The World needs YOU open. Bless the thing that cracked you open. Rebecca is a genius.

It was those words and others like it that helped me make pivots in my life. I made leaps in my life. Transitions can be hard. They are damn scary when you are making them.

I learned to live my life by letting my soul led.

It was hard. Damned hard. I’m still learning to do that. I created boundaries for those closest in my life to protect myself and my time. Learn more about that here.

So if you are asking me how to start, I’d say that it starts with you. I’m not sure if you are really there yet. Only you will know if you are ready. That is some Obi-Wan stuff right there.

Are you brave enough to do this? YES. YOU. ARE.

So pick up a journal and ask your soul a question. Be still and listen, really listen, to the answer.

Month: June 2022